Blogs

17 July - 10:15

Phew, it's been a while hasn't it? Ah well. Iive just got wireless sorted in my house (well, shaky expensive wireless) so the blogs can roll. And here's a wonderful start for you. It's a story. A story about the horror, and the horrible awful horror, and how horror can rule you.

Ribbit the MDMA Rabbit
By Kenny Wan

Ribbit, the MDMA Rabbit was curious. One morning, he decided to nibble on a magical mushroom he had found deep in the forest. 'Ribbit', he whispered. 'Ribbit...'

The Rolling Crab wandered past. He stopped suddenly, gasping in horror: 'Ribbit, where did you get those? Do you know what they are?' The MDMA Rabbit glanced up...

'Ribbit', whispered the MDMA Rabbit, 'Ribbit.' The Rolling Crab was horrified: 'Stop repeating your name and listen. Those are the Mushrooms of Total Knowledge.'

'Ribbit?' questioned MDMA Rabbit. The Rolling Crab solemnly declared, 'You do not know what you have done... No creature should know too much about their destiny!'

Ribbit was getting bored so he hopped away from the wise old crab, ignoring his advice to stay away from the forest, having eaten Mushrooms of Total Knowledge....

What Ribbit didn't know was that he was being followed...by the ASBO squirrels! They looked menacingly at him, saying, 'Give us your money, or we're gonna fuck you up!'

Horrified, Ribbit hopped faster than he had ever hopped before. Gasping, he dared not face his pursuers. Hop followed hop, followed hop followed hop followed hop followed hop followed hop followed hop followed hop followed hop followed hop followed hop followed hop followed hop...

Finally, his legs were exhausted. He collapsed, struggling to breathe.'Where the fuck am I?' asked the Rabbit. He was alone deep in the forest. He was lost....

Just then, the Mushroom of Total Knowledge kicked in. The world began to melt. His entire reality was unwinding, like strands of string unfurling, horrendously.

Ribbit stared into a pool of water. He was shocked. 'What the...' shock. 'I don't believe it...' He stared at himself. 'I'm not a rabbit... I'm a...I'm a...A FROG!'

'I'm a FROG! MY WHOLE LIFE I'VE BEEN DELUDING MYSELF!' Ribbit broke down, choking on his salty, bitter tears. 'All these years...ALL THESE YEARS! Hold on...wait...'

Ribbit suddenly realised the truth. 'No...it can't be...it can't be...' He knew it. He knew it deep down. 'None of this is...real.... I'm a fictional character!'

As he said those words, the world melted away into a black nothingness. A void.
Then, 'Ribbit, are you okay?' He opened his eyes. He was in bed.

'Ribbit?' queried the MDMA Rabbit. 'Ribbit?' The Rolling Crab looked down. 'Bad dream?' he asked. 'Ribbit...ribbit.' he replied. 'Ribbit.'

The End

The above was related to me, Ben Jones, by text message, between the hours of 2:43am and 3.25am on the night of Thursday July 14th. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Look after yourselves ladies and gentlemen. I hope we all learned a little something here today.

- ASBO Ben

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